The annoying ache radiating from my upper pelvis for the past 9 weeks has given me a whole new sense of sympathy for the elderly, the disabled, and some women... some women will never get my sympathy simply because I don't believe they deserve it, and these select few are all seeds of different tales in themselves. Some grew taller than others, and some just withered out of season, apparently with or without my interest. A few still stand strong, and with these few I remain in contact, probably because of their efforts more so than my own. Sitting in a fetal ball for such an extended period of time has rendered me rather unsocial, which I soon discovered fits with cynicism, and also presents a paradox of breeding inactivity and losing things to be sinister about aside from the hospital visits and medical tests which have replaced my social life. My upcoming party consists of a color ultrasound and some prodding.
I grab my black adjustable cane, and limp out onto my balcony in my boxers, and light up a joint. Truth is, pain pills are fucking awful and anyone who feels compelled to conform to the norms of societal thought in regards to "the killer weed" is a fucking idiot. Vicodin, Norco, Tramadex, oxycontin.... Not only do these factory chemicals turn me into an asshole, they're addicting, and compell me to sleep my life away. Sitting in the hospital the other day, a small child of an Orthodox Jewish family decided to use my being as a vehicle for his own entertainment, and like a Kenyan on meth, he proceded to circle my chair, running full speed, peyot and tsit-tsit heinously flying and flapping, whilst he yelled some shit in Hebrew that I couldn't understand. His parents carelessly glanced over and proceded to do absolutely nothing about it, so like Dr. House, I stuck out my cane and tripped the little fucker. He fell face first and his hands slapped the floor, and with that loud crack, I actually felt better. Fuck it, we were in a hospital.
"Ema!!!" and then his parents carted him off, whilst he bitched.
Point is, herb eases the ache, chills me out, takes the blindfold of pain off my mind, and prevents me from hurting small children for revenge, entertainment, or any other reason, and suddenly, I feel human again. It's still chilly, but the sunlight serves to show winter turning the corner, like a cute girl you think to talk to, but just before the opportunity presents itself, she's gone. About another two weeks, and Spring takes her place, and as it does so, I will slowly but surely reintegrate into the confines of reality, and finish my last fucking semester of college. The judgment of society continues, and that's okay with me. The only difference between them and me, is I couldn't give a shit unless it gets me somewhere. four more months, and then something is supposed to happen...I guess... I just pray that they don't continue in void.
I hobble back into the apartment, sit at my computer next to my open balcony door, and for the first time in two months, I begin to write again...
“Time destroys the speculations of man, but it confirms the judgment of nature”
-Cicero
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